Memoirs of Miami - Of LAGUBANS, ATULS and PITHRAS

I was the johhny-come-lately, new kid in town to what would become the bunch of six
who would live in one apartment. Nix, Chobe, Anil and Guru were already there
from a year or more and Vinu had just landed frm Bombay. Landing at Ft.Lauderdale Airport from Montreal and drove through balmy weather, the smug countenance
on me was vindicated. Here is paradise man, 27 Deg C and people cooling off in shorts
and sun glasses..Too much only maga ...Montreal, was, brrrr... - 42 Deg.. Are u kidding me ?? Only extremophiles( yes,there exists such philes,google it)should live there, please evacuate all other signs of human life..

A few days into the new life, the air was abuzz in our apartment with the term of
LAGUBA.. What was it I wondered ?? Should I ask the seniors ? Will they mock me for not knowing ? Yet they asked me " Katte, do you want to be a LAGUBAN ?? "
Are u kidding me, of course I want to be one. I had no faint clue what it was,
but being the tyro, I wanted to be the cool dude, gel along with the guys
and be part of all things that are considered cool. I was thus inducted into
the Hall of Fame and felt proud to be a part of the coterie.We are in this together!
Little did I realize what was in store.

The history of the LAGUBA clan dates back to a certain sullen,troubled night in the CS Labs when the boys were sitting together and mulling what could be done about their misadaventures or lack of as regards the babe scene. Here were a bunch of guys
who hadnt got lucky or laid since the bicentennial and they were in Miami,the Mother Lode of all places and in a thriving university setting, a melting pot. It couldnt get better than this, and yet they languished in their eternal quest for the Bermuda Triangle, the Holy Grail( if we are to go by the DaVinci Code). Surely they were not nerds, why the insolence of folks to think such !

Thus, over many cups of coffe and the ubiquitous snacks from the vending machines,
that night they brainstormed and floated a club called LAGUBA. It triumphantly(and paradoxically)stood for Losers Against Undeserving Bastards ( the junta who got ridiculously lucky)and admittedly all members were pathetic losers or on the verge of becoming one ( as in my case)..Why I jumped headlong into such a club I still can't fathom. Assumptions, the mother of all screwups, to be taken literally here. I somehow have a sneaky feeling that it was derived much along the lines of Calvin and Hobbes GROSS club ( Get Rid Of Slimy Girls to counter Susie Derkins), since nix used to read a lot of them, but hey lets give some credit to the dudes, their mind was in turmoil and they came up with a superlative.

The motto/dogma of the club was clear : Invite whoever wants to join and take recourse to being a sadist,but try and get the heck out of it yourself asap.
Each to his own, but experiences and close shaves had to be openly narrated
and the word passed around of the attempts made by the bretheren.
News of those who got lucky(if well known to us and deserving) was to be applauded
and serve as a motivational shot in the arm. News of those who hadnt become members, were despised and got lucky astonishingly quick was to be washed down with booze, by crying sour grapes, by wondering if they were better off and finally venting ire
about being in each other's company :)

Many were the members of LAGUBA and many a night passed pondering aloud in unison
about the success of the other UBAs/guys. "Bhench***, uska kaise milgaya re, itna lowda aadmi hai woh, that too a phirang girl.. whats that she saw in him .. Chod, abhi tho mey frust hogya,mera number kab aayega.. here pass me the booze.. Cheers..Glug, Glug.. That magarmuch, that pichhli.. " :)
LAGUBANS would also flock to the CCCC parties ( Cake, Coke, Chips and Chootyas) to
celeb some guy/gal's bday or spring break or anything and usually come back bemoaning the lack of class ppl at these parties.

Much water has flown under the bridge since then, and forgetting the many others,of us 6 roomies, I happen to be the Last Man Standing, the Casablanca on the Burning Deck, others having entered into wedlock or some stop gap measure. I dont view them as UBAs though and am vouching for the LILO rule :)

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ATUL :

I am on the NJ Turnpike, Fall 2001 showing my friends from India around, and egged on by them,step up on the gas..Yeah, we had to cover the entire North East in 2 days and I recorded an absurd 1500 miles in 2 days, almost solo, heading as far as Connecticut and Rhode Island the first day, then as far as Luray Caverns, Virginia
and the Shenandoah National Park the next day ! We saw quite a few things too.

Without noticing much, I am doing 97 mph in the 65 zone and whee its fun ! Ha, but within seconds, is the dreaded cop behind me, siren wailing.. " Yaar maga adu".." Makla, thats the Maama here, we are screwed.. hope for the best". Along comes Polly. "License please, do you know why you have been pulled over "? ...Well, I could hazard a guess, eveything was kinda hazy at that speed.. :) The ticket is given and we are cautioned. Cool,nothing major. just 32 miles more than the prescribed limit.. The word has to reach Miami though and I am accorded a
rousing welcome. Cool dude, 3 more miles and you would have touched 100 and been in the slammer.. Awesome, what a guy.. WTH was wrong with you !

Cliffie,the zany Mallu is our new roomie. In a couple of days, its party time again
and I am lounging around as usual, no drinkie/smokie.. Cliffie,though, is sloshed bad and talking like a freak. He eyes me and says " Katte dhek re,the ATUL.. an All Time Udhaas Lund... what were you doing on the NJ turnpike at that speed ? Even SuperMan's lowda itna speed se nahi chala jaayega in space " .. He's clearly out of his wits,but everyone chokes on their drinks, doubling up with laughter.. I wish I can simply disappear :(

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As for PITHRA, it stands for Pain in The Royal Ass :)
Ppl who got on our nerve, who we wished would loose themslves, of whom many abounded in plenty. We were royal and they were a pain, as simple as that..Cant think of anything else to write abt this, the acronym says it all !