Memoirs of Miami – Revisited

Posting these so that Miami junta can recollect the good times.
Feel free to remind me about more folks,I’ll add them.

Time : sometime in 2000 Fall

The place: #610, Fontainebleau Milton – Miami, the home of us Magnificent Seven.
Always the place for the crowd to hang out, partly because we had all the gizmo
(29 inch TV, DVD, VCR, Cable TV, yes with Playboy, plushy sofas weaned from the
departing, stacks of movies, old and new in English and Hindi, a CD Player, a 3 bedroom with lots of space to doze, fridge usually stacked with booze of all types, lots of junk food and last but not the least, the chef, yours truly, always willing to churn out something for the hungry dogs.. Always being lured by false promises to cook for the imbeciles, grrr…)


Around 12 of us( ya, that’s how they used to flock) are tucking into my just hot out of the stove BisiBeleBath, garnished with chips, garlic ranch (yeek, these weirdos), raitha and Curd rice. We have just returned from Tennis and Basket Ball and are famished.Watching Friends on TV, the mood is raucous.

In walks Poorni, the new Tam frm Blore. Still has the Tam drawl though when speaking English. She picks up a plate, pours herself BBath and tastes it. “ Sakath aagide kano Mukunda, nam amma kooda hinge maadalla”…. Its been a tough first sem for them and they cant cook for nuts at their home. 5 girls, that too!

“Sari hoge, chenaag thinnu and nim amma ge tuition togolakke helu nan hatra.” !
She’s always teased and ridiculed. Imagine, she cooked sambhar once with Channa
Dal. A butcher’s knife was needed to slice through and hand out portions of the dal
for the folks to eat with rice.. What fun.

She walks up to john, who at 31 is the oldest in the group.
“Are you tired, john”she asks innocently.
I can’t resist taking another dig that comes up from nowhere and say

“Why Poorni, are you looking for tired men now”).

It’s a sorta pj, but the whole house is doubled up with laughter, some choke on their food, some spit their drink… All in all, an unqualified success.! Not to mention, I am chased into my room and whacked with the pillow soundly.

Even to this day, whenever we bump into each other on chat, we recollect and laugh about it. Stupid Poorni. Stupid is what Stupid does says Forrest Gump.

------------------------------------------------
Rao from rural Andhra (the first name is too twisted to say) is the new temp boy just landed from India, in our house for a few days. These floating populace usually got on our nerves, but we used to hold up till they found some home. Plus, many would come and drop them off here. Swines!

Rao has got ready to attend his first day at school, even before any of us are vaguely awake. Dressed like the typical greenhorn-on-arrival from India, he’s in blazing formals and leather shoes and all ! We stare at him. Dude, its 90 Deg F out there and u’ll be roast turkey by the time u are out of this apt complex. Change into something easy!

But that’s not what caught our attention. Outside on the balcony (we lived on the 6th floor) someone’s tried to open the insect netting that is put up.

Rao is keen to let us know..

"Katte, I tried to open it to throw this banana skin out. I saw a canal running down below."

“You did what now!!!!?

“I ate a banana and wanted to throw the skin out”

And did you call the cows as well ? Its Vinu, my Bbay roomie. He’s besides himself with rage and just hates these type of newbies.

Sorry ?? says Rao. The cows, bhenchod, mathar***, did you call the cows so you could feed them the banana. Better, you could have jumped out too into the canal. Phuk, Phuk !! I’m half laughing, half angry yet.

Saale, thereko itna bhi commonsense nahi hai kya… There’s something called a Trash can where we put garbage. We don’t dump them on streets. Else, we get dumped out. Katte, why do u allow such guys in our house ?? Im calling the ISA grad rep and telling him about this and tell him to include it in the list of Donts when he sends out an email to the ppl coming from India. This is the pits!

“Oh, sorry I didn’t know” said Rao. Ya right, dikhead and if you had succeeded, we would have been out too, looking for a new place to live in. Get out of here!

----------------------------------------
Arvind is the other new Andhra guy, luckily not in our house though, but the same complex. But he did enough to have the whole junta laughing.

He’s trying to call India and is the only guy at home.

He goes 91-1, and halts. Weird, there’s a voice urging him to report the scene of the incident, crime, accident whatever and any nearby landmark and help will be there soon.

Our dude is puzzled. He switches off and tries the number again.
91-1… same voice again, same rapid queries. Yem Ra idi maama??

He will try one more time; if it fails he’ll ask the folks after they return home.
9-1-1… “Please report your problem, be calm, someone will be there soon”!

He gives up, switches off and settles to doze on the sofa.

Within minutes, 3 fire trucks, a small platoon of police cars and medics
are screeching their way into our apartment complex and all eyes are on them
as they get down and rush up the stairs to the apt from where the call came.
They knock impatiently and take up position to break the door.
Arvind, the cool guy, opens the door and blinks at the scene in front of him.
“We got an emergency call from this place, whats the matter”

Emergency ?? Nothing, all ok. I am just sleeping, new from India.

Are you sure, didn’t you call for help ?? No sir, I didn’t.

The cops shake their head, they could have sworn that the operator said she got 3 calls from this apt ! They look around the house and go away, puzzled and all’s well at Fbleau again. In the evening, the news breaks out and the whole of the Indian junta are dumbstruck at this latest gaucherie by the newbie. What else can they add to the rule book!

Some of us suggest a Pied Piper for such folks!